When Bullying Gets Mistaken for “Just Puberty”
Teen years are confusing. Hormones shift, mood swings begin, and kids who were once carefree suddenly become more private, emotional, or withdrawn. For parents, teachers, and even friends, it can be hard to know what’s “just puberty” and what might be something more serious, like bullying.
Unfortunately, the two often get confused. I have experienced this as a mother of four, but I have also been able to distinguish between the two with people around me who have kids experiencing this. Because puberty naturally brings changes in behavior, signs of bullying can slip under the radar until the situation has escalated, so we must recognize the early signs.
Why the Confusion Happens – Mood swings are expected.
Teens often feel irritable or anxious during puberty. But bullying can deepen those feelings into persistent sadness, anger, or hopelessness. Puberty usually has a block that it heightens; if these feelings become more frequent, try to dig deeper and recognize that this may in fact be a bullying situation.
Withdrawal looks normal. Many adolescents pull away from family as they crave independence, but isolating from family or friends completely, or avoiding school, can signal something more concerning. Always wanting to stay at home alone is a serious concern.
Changes in appearance. Teens may care less or more about clothes, hygiene, or style as hormones progress, but a sudden neglect of self-care, or visible injuries, could point to bullying. Understanding this is important. Someone with a spotless house doesn’t always have it together. As a social worker, this can be a clear indication of losing control by controlling the one thing we can.
Academic ups and downs. Grades sometimes dip as school gets harder, yet a sharp drop in performance or reluctance to attend school may reflect bullying rather than academics alone. School avoidance is one of the biggest indications of bullying. Happy kids love going to school, if not for learning, then for socializing.
Red Flags That It Might Be Bullying, Not Just Puberty
A noticeable change in friend groups or being excluded from peers
Frequent, vague illnesses (headaches, stomach aches) used as reasons to skip school
Belongings that are “lost” or “broken” often
Reluctance to talk about school or sudden fear of certain places/people
Signs of anxiety, self-blame, or low self-esteem that seem out of proportion
How Parents and Adults Can Respond
Don’t dismiss feelings. If a teen says they feel picked on or unsafe, take it seriously, even if it seems small.
Ask open questions. Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” try “How have things been with your friends lately?”
Watch patterns, not moments. One bad day might be hormones; repeated distress could mean bullying.
Keep communication open. Make sure your teen knows they can come to you without judgement.
Involve school or professionals if you suspect bullying. Early intervention makes a difference.
The Takeaway
Puberty is challenging on its own, but when bullying is mistaken for “just growing up,” teens may silently suffer. The key is to pay attention to patterns, trust your instincts, and lean into open, supportive conversations. Spotting the difference between normal developmental bumps and signs of harm can protect a teen’s mental health and possibly change their whole experience of growing up.
If you’re experiencing bullying, don’t go through it alone. Talk to someone you trust and keep track of what’s happening. When safe, set clear boundaries, and consider martial arts to build confidence and self-defence skills. Therapy can also help you process emotions and strengthen resilience, while surrounding yourself with positive people reminds you of your worth. And remember, if the bullying continues, report it — no one deserves to face it in silence.
